1/4 through a bucket of coffee

I'm currently at work right now whittling away at all the things I need to do (see also: not doing them.)

I spent the end of my Memorial Day weekend sewing a dress for a girl I knew in a painting class almost a year ago. My motivation to finish this project was mostly guilt based, as I nonchalantly told her that if she provided me with the materials, I'd easily sew her a dress by the end of the semester. Obviously I never got around to the project until yesterday-- and I've spent the most past of my spring semester at school avoiding any chance of running into said girl from painting class.*

...

Lately I've been reading an awful lot of Dawkins and Cudworth writings on atheism, deism, and the like, only to come to the conclusion that I'm far too chicken-shit to face the fact that there could be absolutely nothing to look forward to when we die. I'm an on-the-fence deist at this point; I believe that the inherent design/complexity of everything we know was created by something-- but that thing could totally care less if we stopped singing hymns, sinned our brains out, or forgot church altogether.

This whole idea was challenged earlier in evening when I was hugging David goodbye. The thought of him gone out of my life--forever? No bright-lights, no afterlife, no promise of an eternal happiness simply because I followed a belief system; No more thoughts of seeing Grandpa, or Dad, or Ginger again someday-- nothing. The fear of it all was so overwhelming that I began to cry, not hysterically, but to a point where David thought he had done something wrong.

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The other night I went out with Kirin and ended up as her 'wingman' batting around conversation with a BRO'd Rick Moranis look-alike, and a guy who kept faking an english accent. I saw Kirin make out with someone for the first time (though it seemed to look more like the guy was whispering something close to her nose) and later ate two basket-fulls of sweet potato fries (HIGHLIGHT O' DE' NIGHT!) Not suprisingly, I've been reluctant to go out since then.

This entry made no sense.






*She once came into the office to make an appointment with a counselor, upon which I immediately hid behind a short file cabinet, pretending to file for a ridiculous amount of time.

happy 'mom-is-not-around' day!

I was up till 5 a.m. revising storyboard after storyboard, later waking up in my undies sprawled out on the bed-- my hands still resting on the keyboard.

Grandma and I avoided going to church today because we both felt nauseous and lazy. We had coffee for breakfast and watched a young Eddie Murphy negotiate with crazy junkies on TV.

Getting Grandma ready for lunch at my uncles took me about two hours because I took my sweet-ass time bathing her and applying her make up (drew some eyebrows, carefully penciled in some lip-liner, etc.)

Mom is still not home from her trip to the desert. For dinner tonight I'm making her tri-tip with peach salsa, and will overcook random vegetables as a side. Instead of roses, I bought her Lillies of the Valley (because they look just like the Jacobs Ladders in Animal Crossing) and am currently printing her business cards as a Mother's Day gift.

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Three years ago, my mother and I did not speak to eachother for two weeks straight. I've now long forgotten what it was that we were mad about, but I remember thinking mid-way through the whole ordeal that if anyone was going to come out a winner in this slience contest-- it was going to be ME.

Of course I didn't win in the end.

lost in mystification

It's official! We bought the tickets to Korea through All Nippon Airways, meaning that we get to stop over in Japan for a day and a half (see also: wandering, feeling lost, being confused.)

We'll arrive at Narita International and have to somehow navigate ourselves 200 miles south to Haneda Airport to make the connecting flight to Seoul. I figure that with my insanely rudimentary Japanese, people will feel sympathetic-- if not completely embarassed-- by my attempt to find transportation to Haneda. I've already made flashcards with the following statements:

私を助けなさい (help me please)
私はHaneda に行きたいと思うか。(where is Haneda?)
何をこの辺に食べるか。(what should one eat around here?)

Arriving in Seoul is going to be something else ENTIRELY. No longer are we arriving at the foreigner-appropriate/friendly Incheon International Airport, but at Seoul (Gimpo), whose English website consists of nothing but non-clickable picture instructions, intricately detailed maps (all in Korean, of course) and random sprinklings of optimism: "21st century airport with new concept", "Beautiful Flying" , "New and born again airport!"

Bianca, I will be sending you smoke signals.