1/4 through a bucket of coffee
I'm currently at work right now whittling away at all the things I need to do (see also: not doing them.)
I spent the end of my Memorial Day weekend sewing a dress for a girl I knew in a painting class almost a year ago. My motivation to finish this project was mostly guilt based, as I nonchalantly told her that if she provided me with the materials, I'd easily sew her a dress by the end of the semester. Obviously I never got around to the project until yesterday-- and I've spent the most past of my spring semester at school avoiding any chance of running into said girl from painting class.*
...
Lately I've been reading an awful lot of Dawkins and Cudworth writings on atheism, deism, and the like, only to come to the conclusion that I'm far too chicken-shit to face the fact that there could be absolutely nothing to look forward to when we die. I'm an on-the-fence deist at this point; I believe that the inherent design/complexity of everything we know was created by something-- but that thing could totally care less if we stopped singing hymns, sinned our brains out, or forgot church altogether.
This whole idea was challenged earlier in evening when I was hugging David goodbye. The thought of him gone out of my life--forever? No bright-lights, no afterlife, no promise of an eternal happiness simply because I followed a belief system; No more thoughts of seeing Grandpa, or Dad, or Ginger again someday-- nothing. The fear of it all was so overwhelming that I began to cry, not hysterically, but to a point where David thought he had done something wrong.
...
The other night I went out with Kirin and ended up as her 'wingman' batting around conversation with a BRO'd Rick Moranis look-alike, and a guy who kept faking an english accent. I saw Kirin make out with someone for the first time (though it seemed to look more like the guy was whispering something close to her nose) and later ate two basket-fulls of sweet potato fries (HIGHLIGHT O' DE' NIGHT!) Not suprisingly, I've been reluctant to go out since then.
This entry made no sense.
*She once came into the office to make an appointment with a counselor, upon which I immediately hid behind a short file cabinet, pretending to file for a ridiculous amount of time.
I spent the end of my Memorial Day weekend sewing a dress for a girl I knew in a painting class almost a year ago. My motivation to finish this project was mostly guilt based, as I nonchalantly told her that if she provided me with the materials, I'd easily sew her a dress by the end of the semester. Obviously I never got around to the project until yesterday-- and I've spent the most past of my spring semester at school avoiding any chance of running into said girl from painting class.*
...
Lately I've been reading an awful lot of Dawkins and Cudworth writings on atheism, deism, and the like, only to come to the conclusion that I'm far too chicken-shit to face the fact that there could be absolutely nothing to look forward to when we die. I'm an on-the-fence deist at this point; I believe that the inherent design/complexity of everything we know was created by something-- but that thing could totally care less if we stopped singing hymns, sinned our brains out, or forgot church altogether.
This whole idea was challenged earlier in evening when I was hugging David goodbye. The thought of him gone out of my life--forever? No bright-lights, no afterlife, no promise of an eternal happiness simply because I followed a belief system; No more thoughts of seeing Grandpa, or Dad, or Ginger again someday-- nothing. The fear of it all was so overwhelming that I began to cry, not hysterically, but to a point where David thought he had done something wrong.
...
The other night I went out with Kirin and ended up as her 'wingman' batting around conversation with a BRO'd Rick Moranis look-alike, and a guy who kept faking an english accent. I saw Kirin make out with someone for the first time (though it seemed to look more like the guy was whispering something close to her nose) and later ate two basket-fulls of sweet potato fries (HIGHLIGHT O' DE' NIGHT!) Not suprisingly, I've been reluctant to go out since then.
This entry made no sense.
*She once came into the office to make an appointment with a counselor, upon which I immediately hid behind a short file cabinet, pretending to file for a ridiculous amount of time.
this was said around 10:50 AM /
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