Internet Time-Machine

Let's revisit an old list that I had posted almost three years ago:

My new year's resolutions remain constant since they always remain unaccomplished:


1. Exercise daily.
2. Become Vegetarian (or Seafarian? I still like to eat the ocean animals.)
3. Attend another college other than Mt. Sac.
4. Move out.
5. Spend less.
6. Sew for $$$.
7. Walk my own dog more often.
8. Avoid chocolate for at least five days. C'MON!
9. Maintain a consistent sketchbook.
10. Call people back more. I MEAN C'MON!

So, in light of three years passing, what has changed exactly?


1. Exercise daily.
This is an on-again off-again thing. Earlier this summer I was running an average of 3 miles a day and doing 45 mile bike rides. Now? I eat bowls of curry and pass out on my floor.
2. Become Vegetarian (or Seafarian? I still like to eat the ocean animals.)
NOPE. My love for meat is as romantic as a Jennifer Aniston movie.
3. Attend another college other than Mt. Sac.
I graduate from CalArts in less than TWO WEEKS! Now onto a gaping debt and forever graphic designing!
4. Move out.
Currently live in Valencia, CA. Soul is still somewhat intact despite looming corporate conglomerates on every peach-colored stuccoed corner.
5. Spend less.
This is only partially achieved considering that I never have any money to spend.
6. Sew for $$$.
Working on this. I'd probably make more if I just exchanged $$$ for 8==D
7. Walk my own dog more often.
Hester died two years ago so here's to bringing back painful memories!
8. Avoid chocolate for at least five days. C'MON!
Dumb list item.
9. Maintain a consistent sketchbook.
NOPE. But I'm always sitting in front of a computer meddling with things in either InDesign or Illustrator. If that counts for any "creativity-massage."
10. Call people back more. I MEAN C'MON!
LOLZ. 'Riding a unicorn everyday' would've been a more achievable goal.

Stalker Credentials

Randomly thought up while getting ice cream with a gay friend who's been scouting every piece of ass that walks on campus.

"Maybe I deserve to get a restraining order, eh?"
"A teacher has to have their credentials to teach, right? So what's a stalker without a few restraining orders?"

Mind you, I am also certified by way of learning disorder to give out terrible advice. My prescriptions come in either hugs, candy, or hours of coloring with crayons.

Hateraid Tidal Wave

Ok, so despite the fact that I'm up to my eyeballs in work to finish at school, I've been OBSESSED with The Hipster Grifter. In short, she's basically a run-of-the-mill poster child for Urban Outfitters that managed to swindle, lie, and cheat a couple people out of some dollars ($60K) and some credibility (Vice magazine hired her on the spot based on her manufactured charm and one "bloviated"* chest tattoo. Not surprising.)

The thing that gets me the most about this chick is the fact that she screwed a bunch of people over based on some pretty inane attributes: Working as a pr tool for a masturbatory art-rag, owning terribly self-conscious tattoos (almost equivalent to people who wear 'effing fedoras at night), and bootlegging more comedic material from Family Guy than a Chinese lady hawking burned DVDs from a suitcase!

However, with the way things proliferate and spawn via the internet she'll somehow get some kind of monetary deal and basically become the hipster equivalent of Tila Tequila-- replete with all the vapid social constructs for the "Parody-of-every-other-generation-Generation" to stuff bills down her proverbial, hand-job-giving mouth*-- ultimately prolonging her obvious sociopathological problem.


* the word "bloviate" was used by this chick in an apologetic email she sent to people who actually felt bad for her. But its all tea and sympathy till she makes you cash checks that bounce, lie about having cancer, and you know, be wanted by the SLC Police on multiple theft and fraud charges because she was too perfect a mix of insane/lazy to just be responsible, honest, and get a job.

* her catchphrase has been "I want to give you a hand-job with my mouth <3 Korean Abdul-Jamar."


Conversely, I want to punch her face with my foot. ESPECIALLY since her craziness has been eating up all my internet time. Can someone just turn her in to the cops already?!