Testify to LA CRAZY
Everybody has "LA CRAZY" friend; that one particular person among friendships that collects so much drama and bullshit in their personal life, you'd think that they were trying to win a contest for it or something. You'll see these sorts of friends on TV (see also: Jerry Springer guests) but not often in real life-- usually as bad customers or terrible drivers-- but never as a close confidant.
I can't even begin to describe my friend Jo. BUT I CAN MAKE A LIST!
1. When we first met in 7th grade, she was the only girl I knew who smoked Parliments and cloves.
2. Later than summer, after knowing her for about seven months and talking to her on the phone infrequently every other day, she shows up on my doorstep asking me if I could lend her $15 to help her buy a pager.
3. In high school she dated a 23 year old guy whose fixed-up car she impulsively drove off with after an argument. She had no license, no permit. I got a call from her around 3 a.m. from a phone booth in Rowland Heights-- she apparently returned his car with three flat tires. They broke up that night. She couldn't get over the fact that he broke up with her, "over something that stupid."
4. She joined K.I.D.S. (retarded AZN clique-- 'nuff said)
5. After getting kicked out of her mom's house when we were in college, I offered up my place for her to live in temporarily. After about six months (these were actually fun times together) she begins flirting with my older brother who was 8 yrs our senior.
6. She dates my brother, then cheats on him about a year later.
7. The guy she cheats with ends up being physically abusive. He is already the father of two children from different girlfriends.
8. She broke up with said guy after three years of dating/living together. She picks up a (REALLY) bad coke and alcohol addiction. I don't hear from her for about a year.
9. One day I get a call from her HUSBAND; a guy she met on Myspace when she moved up to Santa Barbara. He calls me because she was being hospitalized for a SECOND suicide attempt and was calling out for me to be with her. She goes missing three days later.
10. After searching for her for about a week, I discover that she's in rehab in Wisconsin. She does a "tour" of about three more facilities until she finally moves back home with her mom. We hang out again.
So yeah, time has passed, wounds have (hopefully) healed, and we are still amazingly good friends. I can't remember how many times I've had to pick her up from far away places, console her when she's uncontrollably crying, or be the "middle man" that has to somehow find a way to negotiate with her cholo boyfriend. She is now 5 months pregnant, but she is at peace with her addiction and is genuinely happy with her relationship.*
So where does this all lead to? Turns out that her previous marriage needs to be annulled on the grounds that she was, "not of sound mind and body" before/upon union AND THAT I NEED TO TESTIFY TO THESE FACTS IN COURT.
That's right! This means that out of our 12+ years of being friends, I finally get to talk openly about how insane she is; supported with anecdotes, facts-- hell, even some trivia(!) We are meeting tomorrow night to organize my testimony that is scheduled on Tuesday.
It's times like these where life is also, "LA HILARIOUSLY IRONIC."
* Her current relationship is still with the crazy cholo who used to physically abuse her-- up until a car accident that involved the both of them. It was not a collision, it was more along the lines of my friend going batshit crazy and punching her boyfriends head till he began bleeding all over the place. This all occurred while they were driving on the freeway. And yes, I had to pick her up from this incident as well.
I can't even begin to describe my friend Jo. BUT I CAN MAKE A LIST!
1. When we first met in 7th grade, she was the only girl I knew who smoked Parliments and cloves.
2. Later than summer, after knowing her for about seven months and talking to her on the phone infrequently every other day, she shows up on my doorstep asking me if I could lend her $15 to help her buy a pager.
3. In high school she dated a 23 year old guy whose fixed-up car she impulsively drove off with after an argument. She had no license, no permit. I got a call from her around 3 a.m. from a phone booth in Rowland Heights-- she apparently returned his car with three flat tires. They broke up that night. She couldn't get over the fact that he broke up with her, "over something that stupid."
4. She joined K.I.D.S. (retarded AZN clique-- 'nuff said)
5. After getting kicked out of her mom's house when we were in college, I offered up my place for her to live in temporarily. After about six months (these were actually fun times together) she begins flirting with my older brother who was 8 yrs our senior.
6. She dates my brother, then cheats on him about a year later.
7. The guy she cheats with ends up being physically abusive. He is already the father of two children from different girlfriends.
8. She broke up with said guy after three years of dating/living together. She picks up a (REALLY) bad coke and alcohol addiction. I don't hear from her for about a year.
9. One day I get a call from her HUSBAND; a guy she met on Myspace when she moved up to Santa Barbara. He calls me because she was being hospitalized for a SECOND suicide attempt and was calling out for me to be with her. She goes missing three days later.
10. After searching for her for about a week, I discover that she's in rehab in Wisconsin. She does a "tour" of about three more facilities until she finally moves back home with her mom. We hang out again.
So yeah, time has passed, wounds have (hopefully) healed, and we are still amazingly good friends. I can't remember how many times I've had to pick her up from far away places, console her when she's uncontrollably crying, or be the "middle man" that has to somehow find a way to negotiate with her cholo boyfriend. She is now 5 months pregnant, but she is at peace with her addiction and is genuinely happy with her relationship.*
So where does this all lead to? Turns out that her previous marriage needs to be annulled on the grounds that she was, "not of sound mind and body" before/upon union AND THAT I NEED TO TESTIFY TO THESE FACTS IN COURT.
That's right! This means that out of our 12+ years of being friends, I finally get to talk openly about how insane she is; supported with anecdotes, facts-- hell, even some trivia(!) We are meeting tomorrow night to organize my testimony that is scheduled on Tuesday.
It's times like these where life is also, "LA HILARIOUSLY IRONIC."
* Her current relationship is still with the crazy cholo who used to physically abuse her-- up until a car accident that involved the both of them. It was not a collision, it was more along the lines of my friend going batshit crazy and punching her boyfriends head till he began bleeding all over the place. This all occurred while they were driving on the freeway. And yes, I had to pick her up from this incident as well.
this was said around 12:51 AM /
2 Comments:
Dude this story is amazing. She needs a reality tv show. Thanks for the words of encouragement girlfriend. And you're a shoe in for Calarts so the admin counselor can just SUCK IT.
Dude. I can't ride a bike. I've LEAREND HOW but i have a psychological block against it.
Post a Comment
<< Home